The Scientist.

Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry
You don’t know how lovely you are.
I had to find you, tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions,
Oh lets go back to the start.
Running in circles, Comin’ in tails
Heads on a science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It’s such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.

Oh take me back to the start.

I was just guessin’ at numbers and figures,
Pulling the puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start.
Runnin’ in circles, Chasin’ tails
Comin’ back as we are

Nobody said it was easy,
Oh it’s such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.

I’m goin’ back to the start.

I have dance everyday. My days and hours of free time are dedicated to dance. Dance is something that makes me not think about the things that make me sad. It diverts my attention to executing the moves in the right way. But once i’m on the way home, or at home alone, my energy in dance; the laughters, the controlling of muscles and everything, translate to a very solemn energy. Eh wait. Solemn got energy meh. whatever but all i’m sayin is i’m a different person at home. I only talk when parents and i have some random topic to debate about. that’s it. Other than that i’m surprisingly quiet.

but rigth now,  if i make a hasty decision, i know I’ll hurt more than one person. and if i dont, i’ll give false hopes.

So now. Tell me how can i not be thinking too much. Either way. I’ll be hurting the same person.

What do I do. Help me out.

Toughen Up.

Dance is tough.

Didnt really have much of a good day at dance today. Cos for both dances it was kind of a disappointment to the choreographers. I felt sad. Like i almost felt like crying. I gave my best today but it wasnt enough.

I felt angry too. But at the same time. Nobody is to be blamed so i cant be angry at all. The seniors are doing their job. I mean if i were in their shoes, I’d feel frustrated too.

Sigh. I guess both st jazz and HH4 must really work extra hard to reach and match the standard. Not really a walk in a park considering the performance is in 10 days. sometimes i wonder if its possible. but i guess if u put yr mind and soul into it and never give up, u can do it. So thats what i’m tellin myself.

To HH4 and St Jazz
JIA YOU! come on people we can do it. Must have faith in ourselves (Y)

Aku penat la.

Hairline crack

I cant sneeze too hard, cough too hard or laugh too hard. Cos everytime i do i’ll get core muscle cramps. PAIN SIOLZXZ. I hope it will seize before training starts tmr.

What if I just break? I’ve been handling it for a long time, yes. But What if, what if i just break.

She Will Be Loved.

My days have been filled with warm ups, crunches and dance. Dance everyday has got me a fit person. EHEM. HAHAHHAA. It’s a way to burn all the hari raya fats manzxzzx.

But. I’m kinda scared. Cos my right knee feels funky =\
and also, i was kinda buzzed in dance today cos my group didnt nail the dance as nicely as the other hiphop groups. But like what Luqman As’ad always tells me; In dance it’s always like that. U gotta just keep on dancing and improving. So yeah, that’s what i’m gonna do. GO HH4! we can do it!

I wished I had the tickets to watch F1 man. I saw the area. I felt so jealous. I WANNA SEE THE CARS. HAIZ.
And the sambal from the nasi lemak is making me fart.
Rushed home after dance and got ready to meet Amalul cos he needed to get some stuff from Art Friend. Walked around ION. Pretty much nothing except for people. HAHAHA.

on a little solemn note.

I’d fill the room up with balloons- colourful balloons cos you thought it was cool having a room filled with them.
I’d show you the most retarded face that i can make cos you’ve always wanted to see it.

See there’s so many things that i’d do if I could. But I cant.

Hey Jude.

Hey Jude, don’t make it bad
take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

Hey Jude, don’t be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better

And anytime you feel the pain
Hey Jude refrain
don’t carry the world upon your shoulders
For well you know that it’s a fool
who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder
Na na na na na
na na na na

Hey Jude don’t let me down
You have found her, now go and get her
Remember to let her into your heart
then you can start to make it better

So let it out and let it in
Hey Jude begin
You’re waiting for someone to perform with
And don’t you know that it’s just you
Hey Jude, you’ll do
The movement you need is on your shoulder
Na na na na na
na na na na yeah

Hey Jude, don’t make it bad
take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better
Better, better, better, better, better, oh

I think I should just highlight the whole song right?

Eid.

Day One

Day Two

Tiara wishes all her muslim mates a very happy hari raya!
And please, take care of yourself!

Apabila Syawal Menjelma, Hari Raya Disambut Dengan Gembira

“Buah Epal, Buah oren
Ramadhan sudah lepas, Syawal has come again
Tiba masanya for us to mintak maaf zahir dan batin
Sorry kalau terkasar bahasa atau ter-hurt your feelings
This is the beauty of Islam;
Forgive, Forget and begin again (:
SELAMAT HARI RAYA! “

Yes. Eid Mubarak to all my Muslim mates!
It is a day to be happy and enjoy ourselves.
“Hari Kemenangan”
Heh

But of course, don’t forget the ones who have left us. Our friends, family, relatives. Say a prayer for them.

As I did my maghrib prayers, the takbir played in my head. And everytime it repeated itself, I was a step closer to shedding tears. Which I did in the end. Since Arwah Nenek died, Hari Raya has never been the same. Her seat in the dining room still remains empty cos I guess we’d still like to believe that she still sits at that spot. and since Arwah Pakdang Warta died, Hari Raya has been different too. No more visits from Malaysia. No more the uncle who spoilt me. If Arwah Nenek was still around she’d give me a bear hug anytime. She’d make me feel calm at a time when i’m at my lowest. Talking about her during buka today made me somehow, sad. I miss her.

But I know that life has to go on. Yes, we can be sad and reminisce the ones who have left us. Yes, we feel empty, we feel different, we feel like something or someone is missing in our lives. It is okay to feel that way. But we have to learn to let go. We have to learn to accept fate. Life still goes on. You can miss them. You can cry when you miss them. But it is not an excuse for you not to celebrate Aidilfitri.

I lived with my nenek for 12 years of my life. We stayed under the same roof. She was the one who fed me, who put me to sleep, who’d buy me donuts, who’d give me wet kisses, who would wait for me to come home from school, watch bujang lapok with me, watch some random show on repeat. How do you think I feel when I lost her? Losing her in front of my eyes. Just let her slip away. It wasnt fair when she left the day i visited her at the hospital. I never showed her how much i loved her, how much i cared. I never told her how important she was to me and how she helped shape me to the person I am today. 5 years down the road, i still live with the regret. But I learned to accept the fact that i missed my chance. I learned that it was better if she left. I learned that she’d be better off leaving all of us cos she’d be suffering if she stayed.

Still every year i celebrate Eid with a smile on my face. I know that she’s somewhere watching me as I grow. I dont look like how i did when I was 12. But I guess she is a part of me. Cos she prayed to Allah to bless my parents with ME. If it werent for her prayers, I wouldnt be here and my friends would not have met me. I might not even have existed. That’s her impact on me.

All I can afford to do, is dedicate Al- Fatihah to her so she’d feel comfortable.

For those who miss the ones they have lost, dedicate them Al-Fatihah. Insya Allah, they’ll get it, and they’ll know they are being missed.

Nobody Said It Was Easy

“Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful.”

A Walk To Remember

“And one day, I’m going to have the courage to tell him i like him, but until then, I’m happy being invisible.”

via eletheowl.tumblr.com

“She’s hurt; mentally and emotionally. But everyday, she walks outside with a smile on her face, because that’s just who she is; the girl who never stopped smiling.”

via eletheowl.tumblr.com

So. It’s no surprise that something is up with me, no? Or do i need to go “SURPRISE!”

Let’s just say that I feel as though I missed out on a chunk of my life. Remember how we all had homework in primary school and we had to fill in blanks. How weird the sentences sounded with the blanks. Sometimes you’re given helping words. Sometimes you’re not. And maybe it will get annoying when you’re not given any helping words. You crack your brains to figure out what word would fit. and sometimes you just cant find the right word to fill in that blank.

That’s how i’ve been feeling. It’s as though that I lost a chunk of my life which means alot to me. I lost that chunk. It’s like i just fell asleep for God knows how many hours or days, and just wake up to a smack in my face. I dont know how it got there. I dont know how I tripped nearing to the finish line, and fall unglamorously flat on my face. This is how it looks like;

Lifeline/Time

————————————————-                                                  ——————–

Where did that middle portion go to? I’m just lost. So lost. I dont know where to go and what to do. I dont know how i should feel. I dont know how it’s gonna be like. I dont know what to expect and anticipate. There’s just so many I dont knows right now, I dont know where to begin to fill in that blank. I dont know where to start. And the sad thing is,  nobody can help me find out what i missed and what that blank should be, except myself. I’m my only answer.

But through it all, I know that Allah is fair. I have to be patient and sincere. Allah is testing me cos He knows I can handle it. And with that, I have to learn to sincerely accept all of this. I admit I have not been sincere about accepting it. But I’d like to know how to, and I want to learn to do so. I will. Eventually. Insya Allah.

Motivation for Getting Up in the Morning

And I’ll borrow words from all my favorite paragraphs
To write a ballad while we say the things
We hope would mean the most to me
And
Each line I sent I have found a new pages of hope for the days
When I feel like I’ve lost everything

A Lonely September

I’m sittin’ here tryin’ to convince myself
that you’re not the one for me
But the more I think, the less I believe it
and the more I want you here with me