stumped.

This morning, while God was watching me asking him for enlightenment and beg him to make me strong, I blurted out something I’ve always substituted as “…care deeply for and sincerely…”, as something else. Something deeper, something which carried alot of weight. I swear my eyes were half open, and all i wanted to do was get back in bed and continue sleeping. When the word came out from my mouth, my eyes shot wide open. Shocked, i wrapped up my doa (prayers; the ones where u ask God for something or forgiveness) and went back to bed. 30 mins ago, i woke up.

What I said next, was something I would never imagine myself saying- especially now.

 

You figure it out.

 

“It’s Not Always Rainbows and Butterflies; It’s Compromise That Moves Us Along”
She Will Be Loved; Maroon 5

Sleepy. Rawr.

Ok I take back what I said about the day getting worse by the minute. Cos swimming was fun! Heeeeeeeee.

Ok I thought it’d look baywatch-ish. But No, cos there’s a slide there -.-

I had to run in 10 secs, in water to capture this.

yay, water!

Jumpshots

Run on the water, L! RUNNNNNNNNN!

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I look like a very stick figured bird.

And lastly, GROUP PIC! ahhh the loooooove

I’m sleepy. hehehe.

January 30th.

Congrats to all who got their JAE results today!
And Good luck to those who’re appealing.

For the 1 hr that I’ve been awake, off- hand, I think it sucked already. And the suckiest thing, it’s gonna get worse by the minute.

I need to run.

“I could feel a hot one taking me down
For a moment, I could feel the force
Fainted to the point of tears
And you were holding on to make a point
What’s the point?

I’m but a clean man, stable and alone man
Make it so I won’t have to try
The faces always stay the same
So I face the fact that I’m just fine
I said that I’m just fine”

I can feel a hot one; Manchester Orchestra

Time has a habit of slipping away

Hello fellow not so sexy people =)

Today was rather simple, and I fulfilled my promise to wear the blue cheongsam out one of the days in this week.
Wooo. Got my February and March copies of teenvogue and walked around bugis street. I swear the lion dancing thingy is getting irritating. Rawr. Indulged in donuts after alot of walking. I had donuts, I got my magazines, laughed like crazy.. And tmr will be cool cos my girls and i are going swimming!

Good luck to those getting their JAE results tmr! Hee.

have a good night everyone

Quit your life, and stay with me.

Nothing much happened since the day I last blogged. My days were pretty mundane. But the presence of my girlfriends and my random tprawks dudes lightened my load. A little, at least. The night before CNY, my family had our own reunion dinner. I freakin wore my cheongsam with pride and dignity, even though i’m not even chinese to begin with. Cheongsams are hotstuff. I see no reason why chinese people dont wear them.. oh well, people have their own preferences. Awesome food. the soup made me high. *Slurps* Then, the first day of Chinese New Year. Mum & Dad went to Batam with Auntie Lin and the 2 kids. So that afternoon my girls came over to watch atonement. After that i got ready to meet Zam, Hadi, Faiz, Farhan, and Farhan’s friend, Yun with the hope that we could catch the eclipse. But no. we didnt. Boo. But Faiz came equipped with shades, binoculars and err, a screwdriver? in his bag. LOL.

They were actually serious. It wasnt a pose. I just snapped it.

So we were bummed that we missed the eclipse. So we slacked at ate at MacDs. We got soo bloated that we were too lazy to leave. Until i said i had to go stand up before my ass permanently sticks itself to the chair. So we walked to a nearby block where the dudes played taiti. I still dont get the game… Even after zam explained it to me. Oh well. After about 20 mins I left. Chilled and watched 40 year old virgin till Mum & Dad came home, ate some bread and called it a night.

Day 2 of CNY was spent with my girls over at Bugis. Still, many shops were closed. So we sat and talked while eating at MacDs. I swear I can get sick of MacDs. I shoved into my system a mcSpicy meal. I need to exercise. We didnt do much actually. After lunch we went back home. Liyana went to her granny’s place at Bishan, and Farie went home. I went to the granny’s place at Aljunied. I reached and Gaek was alone at home. Awww. Nenek, Auntie Lin and the 2 girls went to shop and save cos apparently that was the only place that was freaking open at that area. Gosh. 15 minutes after i reached they came back and I talked to Auntie Lin and the 2 girls. Auntie Lin got all whiny, haha. but she made a point. Soon after Mum and Dad arrived so the night was basically the same. Went home. Slacked. And went to bed.

Today i woke up at 9, hoping that Enno wld be at work and online. But she took leave. hahaha. So i smsed her instead. By 10 i was out. I walked to Liyana’s condo and met Farie at the no. 5 bus stop. We chilled by the pool. And I swear, I loved chilling there. Cool shiznit ar. Waited for the guys. And then we watched movies. Rush hour 3, Hannibal Rising and Scary Movie 3. We ordered pizza! Heeee. I’m such a pig. I love food. I dont care. Weeeeeeeeee. Before we left we went to feed the killer fishes at the pond. CRAZY FISHES, I TELL YOU. they’d kill each other for food. Madness.

I’d like to thank Adidas for making that jersey. HAHA!

Ahhhhh the regular bitching.

Bums.

Dont ask me what’s wrong with the picture. I accidentally covered the flash.

Pizza! Food! yay!

eat, helmi. Eat!

THE CRAZY FISHIES.

tomorrrooooooooo. I feel like going to the gym. I wanna run. but, on the contrary, I’m kinda lazy. Haaaa. Cant wait to talk to enno tmr. A lot of things to talk about. And Friday F & I are goin to L’s place again. But this time, to swim. Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

 

“So quit your life,
And stay with me.
We’ll order in and watch tv,
We’ll paint the house,
And wash the car.
We’ll take a walk but not too far.
So quit your life,
And stay with me.”

- Quit Your Life; MxPx

Depressing; My endorphins wore off.

I’ll start with yesterday. yesterday the five of us wanted to run at the stadium. but unfortunately they were having some sort of event so the people there chased us out. So for a good half an hr, we didnt knw what to do. So we decided to eat at Qiji. By the time we finished breakfast, the gym was already open. So to the gym it was. I had fun exercising. And then Auntie Eli sent the other girls home while i went to meet someone.

I guess I’d have to admit that I was being really stupid and very narrow. Although I’m not like that, I’ve been that way for the past few days. It’s not something I’m proud of at all. I let it get to me. I was so caught up in making sure everything was perfect, that I ended up digging my own grave. I thought my 2009 was going great; until it was put to a sudden hault, and suddenly i feel suffocated. Millions and millions of thoughts raged through my already tired head. I wasnt only physically tired, but mentally too. I wished I had never brought the thing up. I wished I had never let the ‘comparing’ side of me loose. It was not just an insult to the other party, but to me too. I was numb the whole day. I didnt know what to think, I didnt know what to say. And my head was already hurting cos I tried to weigh everything out; without talking to anyone. All the pros and cons that i weighed, happened in my head. It was as if my brain was split into 2. And it was so hard to actually digest everything. By that time, I was already in the cab with Mum heading to Arab street. I almost teared in the cab, but for the desperate attempt not to let mum figure out anything, i held it back. After going for some girl time at Wayan, (which i spent thinking for the whole one hour. I didnt even feel the beautician poking my face. I guess I had fun. Cos the pain was channelled somewhere else), Mum and I met Dad for lunch. I still didnt talk much. They decided to go to the town area. I diligently followed. There came a point where I was being too quiet (and tired. That was what daddy thought) that Daddy decided we should go to Starbucks and have some drinks. Usually I’d be all excited to get my dose of caffeine in my system. but this time, I wasnt. I bought my parents their drinks, and went back. After 20 minutes of sitting down, and not talking. My Mum asked “Do you have a problem with your ‘new friend’?”

I was taken aback by the fact that she got it. Spot on. And of all the people I had to confide in, I confided in my parents. OF ALL THE PEOPLE. And let me tell you, your parents, are only the best people to confide in. I learnt that yesterday. And after that I thanked God for blessing me with such parents. I told them the whole story from A-Z. The flipped and got angry not at the parts where I expected them to. They got angry because I expected someone to be perfect. They got angry because I started comparing someone that I’m interested in to some other people. And they got mad that I didnt confide in them. I learnt something from my Dad yesterday. I learnt that whoever the person may be, he is not perfect. And the whole idea of liking, and being in a relationship with someone is to adapt to the imperfections. A whole series of give and take. A whole season of compromises. yes, That’s how stupid I had become. Like I’ve said before, even the best fall down sometimes. After the talk with my parents, I felt 10 times better; but it wasnt enough. I had a huge gush of guilt built within me. As sleepy as I was, as tired as I was, I couldnt get to sleep knowing that I havent said something I should say. So I did.

The verdict? Neither of us knows. There seems to be a barrier that’s making it all more complicated. And that barrier is- our differences. However different we may be, whatever lies ahead- be it a relationship, or still a dating status, it will never be pointless. How can it be pointless, when there’s something there between both of the parties? How can it be pointless, when the two parties know that in the back of their heads- regardless when they’re with friends or family; that they have each other; they have a best friend to pour out issues or stuff that normal friends shouldnt know; they have someone in their minds that make them smile, although they dont get to see each other.

I’ve never blogged like this since ages ago. I’ve never spoken about issues like this since a very long time ago. And that was when I was really serious about someone, when I was willing to accept someone for who they are, and what they are when they’re with me. I wouldnt be rambling on for almost a 1000 words in this post, if I didnt care. I wouldnt be pouring out to my parents for help, if I didnt care. and I wouldnt have thought about the whole situation, cracking my brains, and still think about the situation, if you didnt mean anything to me. 

And to end off, unlike you low lying people, I CAN CONFIDE IN MY PARENTS. I CAN TALK TO THEM, AND THEY STILL LOVE ME. NO MATTER HOW STUPID MY PROBLEMS CAN BE. Can you?

 

Droplets; Colbie Caillat & Jason Reeves (PS: This is a nice song. You shd listen to it. But if u dont want to, you can always hit pause, or mute your computers)

[Colbie Caillat]
I’m leaving you
I’m not sure if that’s what I should do
It hurts so bad
I’m wanting you but I can’t go back
Trying to find, to find
That all elusive piece of mind
Stuck here somehow
Shrouded beneath my fear
And doubt, and I don’t need it

[Colbie Caillat]
Cuz I’m walkin down this road alone and figured all I’m thinking bout is you, is you my love
And my head is in a cloud of rain and the world it seems so far away and i’m just waiting to fall
In droplets, droplets

[Jason Reeves]
You left a mark
I wear it proudly on my chest
Above my heart (Above my heart)
To remind me that I feel the best
When I’m with you (When I’m with you)
To me everything is effortless
You know its true (You know it’s true)
My eyes are painted with regret and I don’t need it (Regret and I don’t need it)

Cuz I’m walkin down this road alone and figured all I’m thinking bout is you, is you my love (Figured all I’m thinking about is you) (you my love)
And my head is in a cloud of rain and the world it seems so far away and I’m just waiting to fall and sink into your skin (World it seems so far away and I’m) (waiting to fall and sink into your skin)

You are like the raindrops, the raindrops falling down on me (You are like the raindrops, the raindrops falling down on me)

You left a mark (you left a mark)
She left a mark (he left)
She left (he left)
And I don’t (I don’t)
Need it. (Need it)

 

 

 

Hope; dangles on a string
- Vindicated; Dashboard Confessionals

january.

Rules must be followed:Each blogger must post this rules.Each blogger must start with ten random facts about themselves.Bloggers that are tagged need to write about their own blog, ten things and post this rules.Don’t forget to leave them comments telling them they have been tagged and are to read your blog.

 

10 Random Facts about me.

1. I love to eat, and i still look like a stick

2. I’m an only child.

3. I’m a bitch =)

4. I love purple

5. I can move my ears without touching them

6. I love to smile and laugh

7. I’m a slacker  

8. I love jokes

9. I love eeyore the donkey

10. I have a thing for hot men

 

1. Who’s the person that tagged you?

KHAIRUL NIZHAM

 

2. Relationship between you and him/her?

WINGMAN!

 

3. Three impressions of him/her

loud. Nonsensical. Funny

 

4. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will?

Ignore him

 

5. What will you say to the person you like very much?

Hello?

 

6. Characteristic i like about myself?

I’m a very open minded person, so it’s easy for me to make new friends

 

7. Characteristic i hate about myself?

I love myself too much

 

8. For the person whom you hate, you say?

Haha. I dont hate.

 

9. What do people feel about you?

Ask them! but I think they think I’m a very dope person, with very witty comebacks..

 

10. Your crush?

Hahaha. I’ll leave it undisclosed (winks) if u wanna know then ask yrself.

 

11. Pass this to 10 people:

 

1. Farie

2. Hanna

3. Razeef

4. Midzi

5. Iddy

6. Afiq

7. balqis

8. Azura

9. rhel

10. enno!

 

12. If 5 & 7 were together?

O.O hahah do they even knw each other??? Hmmmmmmmm

 

13. who does 5 like?

HAHA! i have no idea

 

14. What colour does 9 like?

Omg I’m so sorry I’m disappointing u bro. I DONT KNOW YR FAV COLOUR T_T. such a sister i am.

 

15. Say something about 8?

One of the good friends i have since sec 1.. Although not really close, but i like giving her hugs once in a while. haha

16. Who is 2?

Coven sister, who loves Rupert Alexander Lloyd Grint

17. Talk about 3.

Short. Cute. Funny. MY SINGING PARTNER. My Coven brother

18. Who is 10’s best friend?

Her sister, i think? Or maybe a girl named Nurul… or Fudgy… Or Effa.. Or Akki… all her best gfs lah. Heheh. Wah not bad. I know who’re her gfs. I’m so cool! LOL

 

19. Who’s the sexiest among all 10?

I’d have to say Midzi.

 

20. What colour does 4 like?

All neon colours

 

21. Is 4 single?

yesssssss. Hehehhehe.

 

22. Your relationship with 1.

My Darling gf, F. Xoxo

 

23. Are 5 & 6 best friends?

nope

 

24. 9’s surname?

Ali

 

25. 7’s nickname?

Bal! Hahhah

 

26. Say something to 8.

Tell me if u need more songs! Heheheh.

27. Say something to help 9.

help her for wat?LOL

 

28. Who do i admire?
Me? I admire good people

29. Where does 1 live?

dont tell u lah

 

30. 10 of them know who you like?

hahha. no. =P not all

 

31. Say something to 6 when you see her.

him. 6 is a HIM! HELLOOOO AFIIIQQQQQQQQQQQ

 

32. 10’s spouse?

she’s not married?

I got bored. and Zam tagged me to do this thingy. So i did. Haaaa.

UPDATES:

hello, earthlings! Sorry for the long absence. I didnt have the mood to type out anything. Anyhoos. these past few days have been rather unpredictable? I went bowling with the 4e2 peeps minus Syed Faiz (EHEM) butt plus Faiz Zainuddin a.k.a Faiz Besar. I sucked, as usual out of the 2 games, i onoly managed to score 2 strikes. how kental is that. -.- but oh well. the company was fun! We bowled at Ehub. I looked dumb with the shoes. Heck all of us looked dumb in the ugly shoes. After bowling, we went to eat at BK. I miss BK. Rawr. Pics are up at my facebook. Lazy to upload here. ^_^v maybe i’ll upload tmr or smth. Ahhhhh. tomorroowwww. I’ll be waking up at 6 (courtesy to Enno’s wake up call, and my alarm.) For what, u may ask? Well, the five of us are going jogging again! the joy! We shd really do this every week. I feel driven. Lol. I like to exercise. Although i hate running, but oh well. Exercising gives u endorphins, endorphins make u happy. ALL THE BETTER! And after exercising we’ll indulge in food from Qiji. yummmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Rawr. And finally, i had ice cream today =) today was random. I finished up Vampire Academy and went for a nap at 3:30. I woke up an hr later, only to find out that someone was waiting for me =x hahah. paiseh moment. I HAD to shower. Cos i knew i looked like crap after my nap. at 5 i came down.

reached home at 8:30. called mum before that to tell her i was on the way home. Oh. and tmr i have a date with mum. LOL. it’s a mother daughter thing. haaaaa. supposed to be sleeping cos i have to wake up at like 6? Till tmr,

xoxo,
your smiling again friend,
tiara

Ok.

Today’s episode wasnt that depressing! YAY!
Soooo. That made me a tad bit happy. Heh. And I was online from 9 am -5:30pm non stop. Shit. I’m a certified computer addict. Well, not that i care anyway~ Haha. I accompanied Enno while she was at work, and she accompanied me while I rotted at home. At around 4 mum came home. Apparently her office had a power failure. So basically, she went to work for nothing. -.-

After Mum came home I got bored. So i decided to curl my hair with my curling iron. I looked like a really bad old Charlie’s Angel Character O.o Had a good laugh. Mum said I looked like an Ah Soh -_-” So i quickly tied it up into a ponytail. Now it feels all bouncy.. Haha. Sooooo. Nothing much today. Tried snapping some pics, but I didnt feel enlightened to take any pictures.

That was today. I think GG made me happier. Thank God for GG. Till next time,

xoxo,
tiara

Another Perfect Day

Just one thing.

“I thought that it was real; but I guess it’s no big deal”
- American Hi-Fi; Another Perfect Day

Yeah, when you live in denial like me thinking the next day will be better, when you know it won’t,

Shit Happens.

A follow-up, I presume?

Sorry to burst your boring little bubbles, but no; there will be no follow up =) Not happy? I dont care =)

As a whole, today was rather boring and meaningless. Enno and I might just be the 2 most cranky people today. And we vowed that we have to treat ourselves one day. Anyway, I left home at 10:30 am and headed to tmart mac. Switched on the lappy, and continued chatting with Enno while indulging the apple pie i purchased. After half an hour, Farie came and we waited for Liyana. We talked and got something to eat while waiting for the time to pass till it was okay for us to collect our yearbooks. The yearbooks werent fantastic as I thought they’d be. They didnt showcase the fun shots from the Graduating batch. But oh well. I’m just thankful I at least have a yearbook. The plan was to watch The Haunting of Molly Hartley. However, the timings werent on our side, and I had to chase for time cos I needed to get home and do my prayers. Besides, I wasnt in a happy mood for a movie today and for that, I apologise to my gfs. They went to the library while i went home. Had my lunch, did my prayers and took a nap. I thought that maybe sleeping it off would make me feel better. Apparently, it made no significant difference cos I still woke up feeling like shit anyway. It was already 6 by then, and Enno had already left her office so i cant talk to her online anymore. Did the afternoon prayers and stoned all the way till now. Had my dinner and did my prayers, and here I am, typing this monotonous post. Oh, and the outing with iddy was cancelled cos her pay has not been transferred. So, another day then.

Honestly, I have no idea why I’m feeling crappy; In a sense that I have no solid reason why i feel like this. I feel angry? Not entirely. I feel sad? I think. So ultimately, I dont really have any idea why I feel so crappy. The thing is, it doesnt make me feel any better. *Shruggs* Till whenever I feel like typing again,

xoxo,
tiara