The Monday

Believe it, I have 2 more days of school and then, I’m done. Finished. Gone. Done with Secondary School, i mean. A part of me feels sad. Another feels excited. And another is nervous. I was talking to Mum and Dad about it just now. And I think although my attitude is not really well liked by some, my parents are still proud of me. What Daddy told me was something like what you’d find on Kak Dira’s friendster.

‘Be who you are and say what you feel cos those who matter dont mind, and those who mind dont matter”

How much that’s true in a sense. But… Argh. No use in talking about it. It hurts everytime i do talk about it. Another painful day tmr. But school ends at 11. So hip hip hooray. But I hope tonight will be the last drop of the gunshot wound (Menses) that I’ll get. Cos I really wanna welcome in Syawal. I’m sad that Ramadhan’s gonna be over. Dont know if we’d get to meet Ramadhan again. And sadly, Syaitan’s coming back. And also, the spirits of those who have left us have to go back. Okay, maybe i’ve felt Arwah Nenek’s presence once or twice. but i didnt pay much attention to it. All I know is i’m gonna cry when the takbir is heard tmr evening.

Dear Allah,
please let me fast for the last day of Ramadhan.
I want to usher in Syawal. Please.
Amiin.

Sometimes, I wonder why i can still be so forgiving after I feel the pain. And I wonder why i can still be patient and still pray for those who’ve hurt me. I amaze myself at times. Hah.

xoxo
tiara

Still cant help it…

Ferrari was a disappointment. Fernando Alonso- BRAVO! BRAVO! I think Singapore is some sort of bad feng sui for Ferrari… Hahaha. But anyway. I loved Kimi Raikkonen’s attitude. He kept pushing on and on. Filepe Massa had the wrong attitude. Dont know what happened to the Ferrari crew. But anyway, I’M STILL ON TEAM FERRARI! Lewis Hamilton, handsome as ever… And my latest fetish, KAZUKI NAKAJIMA! That hot 23 year old Japanese dude. Hee. I love F1- PERIOD. And I have to say- I’M PROUD TO BE A SINGAPOREAN. To those who thought the F1 race was a waste of money- SCREW YOU! You have no idea how much revenue Singapore has generated in THREE days. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I want to watch the cars race in Singapore streets Again! heeee!

(Afiq thinks Nakajima looks ugly here. But it was one of the nicest ones i found!)

Lewis Hamilton- Charming as ever

Kimi Raikkonen- The Cool Dude

I officially love F1 cos it makes me happy, and there’s this adrenalin rush. Its really cool how they strategise they’re every move- Like when to refuel and how much to refuel and how to overtake the one in front… Woah. I’m so gonna watch the next race in 2 weeks…

And all this while I thought F1 was damn boring… Now I know what all the fans are talking about….

Seeing Aryssa makes me happier. She’s so little, yet she can make me feel alright. Cradling her in my arms- its like she’s telling me “its ok, Auntie Ra. you’ll be fine” Looking into her eyes, Just makes me feel that I’ll be fine, I’ll be okay. Princess Aniqa makes me smile with her antiques. All is good. Until tmr comes. Where my hell begins, yet again.

My eyes- they burn with the sight.
My heart- it gets ripped apart; over and over again
The agony.
Somehow,
I Will survive….

With the photo of Kazuki Nakajima in my wallet. HA- HA

But seriously. Its a pain to go to school nowadays. If only they had some sort of painkillers.
I’d PAY to get them. But anyway. I just take it as. I’m too different from everyone else, that they’re not used to it. They use it against me. Just because I’m not like all the other chicks out there. Screw it. I’m Indonesian. I love thrill rides. Hardly wear make up. Simple. I love blading. I love swimming. I love soccer. I love F1. I love purple. I love Allah. Religion is important to me. I dont smoke. I love my bushy black eyebrows. When i say something, I mean it. I dont hold vengeance or grudges.

So. yeah. There’re so many things about me that many people dont know. It’s either I never told them, they never realised, or they’re just too self involved to understand the kind of person I really am.

cant help it.

Supposed to be back on the 11th. I couldnt help it. I need to spill. Actually, I’d like to spill a whole lot in here. but. Why bother.

Okay. Honestly. I feel lost. It’s always the case. Though I’m greatful for my friends. Somehow I’m sort of at the losing end. But It’s okay. Dont know why I have the weak spot to be nice to those who have caused me much emotional pain. Is it my nature? I guess so. That kinda sucks. But then again. It’s a good thing. Funny how i actually BOTHER and THINK about those who have caused me pain- more painful than my blading fall. Sometimes I’m tempted to fall again. But, I wanna be safe. Ahh. Anyway. I found myself hooked to this song. It made much sense in my context. Enjoy~

 

“Every breath you take, and every move you make
Every bond you break, every step you take
I’ll be watching you

Every single day, and every word you say
Every game you play, every night you stay
I’ll be watching you”

the pieces dont fit.

Nuff’ Said. And I threw everything out. Mum saw me do it. Where? I threw it in the main trash chute. Hope this brings much happiness to you.  See you guys on nov 11th.

[/edit]
I feel blessed to have the bestest bitchy cousin- H.AIR. Haha. Enn i mean. She listens to my problems, and he never judges. I thank her for always being there for me and standing up for me. Also, I have my 2 superduperwooper bestest girlfriends one could ever ask for. Liyana; who’s always the one who knocks some sense into something really painful. And Farie; who always shows care and concern. They’re the best people to laugh with, and to bitch around with. So yeah, I love you girls ok! And of course, Rhel. My rascal little brother who loves picking a fight with me. haha. He listens to me too. He replies my messages when i need someone to talk to- Anytime, anywhere. He’s the best (: And Razeef, my other little brother. He always smiles so widely, that it makes me smile too- even when i’m having bad days or whenever i feel moody. Last but not least, Hanna- Who has the most contagious laughter. Her laughter makes me laugh too. And laughter is the best medicine. Afiq, who ALWAYS listens to my whines and my sorrows no matter what. Mimi, who’s always been the really good buddy and telling me to be patient. AND, Wahidah, of course. Who has been there for me since eons ago.They’re many people I’d like to be thankful for. Everyone who has seen me grow from the day i stepped into sec school till now. whoever who thinks that they’re a part of it, then you’re in my thoughts and my prayers. 

So you see, I have alot to be thankful for. I can clearly see who my real friends are. They’re the ones who back me up. I dont need them to protect me. To me, good friends are those who watch your back. They give you advise when you need it. They lend you a shoulder to cry on when you feel down and low. They cheer you up when you feel sad. And the most touching part ever- They feel the pain you feel, when something happens to you. Either physically, or emotionally. That, to me, are real and genuine friends. <a href=http://farierosedelacour.blogspot.com </a> What she left me in her blog.

After i saw that, and i read the lyrics. I decided that i should stop feeling blue.
Thank you, F. Hahha. Feeling2 GG pulakkkkk. =p

I love everyone of you who have contributed to my life. Regardless of the ups and the downs, I love you still. Because however and whichever way you have contributed, it has made me the person I am today. And if this is the way you see me as, then i’ll stay being the person you’ve always thought Tiara is.

Chiquitita; Abba

Chiquitita, tell me whats wrong
Youre enchained by your own sorrow
In your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow
How I hate to see you like this
There is no way you can deny it
I can see that youre oh so sad, so quiet

Chiquitita, tell me the truth
Im a shoulder you can cry on
Your best friend, Im the one you must rely on
You were always sure of yourself
Now I see youve broken a feather
I hope we can patch it up together

Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars theyre leaving
Youll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita

So the walls came tumbling down
And your loves a blown out candle
All is gone and it seems too hard to handle
Chiquitita, tell me the truth
There is no way you can deny it
I see that youre oh so sad, so quiet

Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars theyre leaving
Youll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita

So really. see you guys on nov 11th.

Till then,

“And If the moon had to run away
And all the stars didnt wanna play
Dont waste the sun on a rainy day
The win will soon blow it all away

When the days all feel the same
Dont feel the cold or wind or rain
Everything will be okay
We will meet again one day
I will shine on
For everyone
Shine on
For everyone”

sept 22nd

The place where i seek my solace.

A price to pay for speaking the truth. A good price indeed.
You know when you fall and get a graze. It stings. And you suck in the air between your teeth to suck in the pain. I’ve been doing that for the past 10 mins.
It was a price for me to pay, to have done something righteous and true. It was a price, for me to pay to have spoken the truth. But I’d rather be public enemy number one, hated and most painfully- be forgotten. Just because I spoke the cold hard truth. It’s okay. My conscience is clear. I did what i thought was right, and i dont regret it. It’s a shame that sometimes, people mistook the lie as the truth, and the truth as a lie. I have to admit i was shaken by the fact that i was going to be forgotten, and i was forced to forget someone. But then again, it was a price that i had to pay. To speak the truth, or to answer it later during judgement day. I chose to speak the truth. Although, it was not a win- win situation, it was right. I had no intentions to make things worse. All i wanted was to speak the truth. And however the truth was handled, was not in my power.

The disappointment of seeing someone who was close to me shot arrows to my heart. Never did i thought he would make me lie, and never did i thought he would protect the lie than protect the truth. I dont care if it was not me he protected. I’d rather be bruised than lose my faith, dignity and my pride. It’s a shame that he never understood me one bit- even when we were together. It’s a shame that he never understood the fact that I am one who does not stop believing what she believes is right and true. He never understood that i do not care if I was despised by anyone for what i believe in. He never understood me at all. I thought he knew the person i was and still am. After more than a year, he still never understood anything about me.

this post is not to defame anyone really. or to insult for that matter. its just the disappointment that i feel. the agony of seeing someone- who has turned into someone i’ve never met before. the disappointment that reeks in the midst of my strong will and heart- of someone i used to care, love and cherish with my heart and my soul- everyday, every hour, every minute, every second.

Thank You Allah, for showing me the good and the righteous. Thank you for giving me the strength to get through this.

It’s time. It’s time to say goodbye to the past; Time to say goodbye to my first boyfriend and my first real best friend. It’s time for me to dispose of the photo in my wallet that has been there ever since 2 years ago. It’s time for me to let go and accept the fact, that my Amin, Will never return.

Dear Allah,
Forgive me for my past sins.
Forgive me if i had ever hurt anyone.
Oh Allah, Is this the price i have to pay to do whats right?
I accept it with open arms.
But one thing I ask from You, Oh Almighty-
Please take care of Amin for me and please enlighten him with strong Iman.
Dear Allah,
Please show him the right path towards life, and distant him away from all that is bad and that is forbidden by You, Oh Allah.

Walhamdulillah Hi Rabbil A’lamin.

[/edit]

Sept 23rd; 0555hrs
“I don’t wanna talk, about the things we’ve gone through”

Let me get this straight. This blog. Who is it registered under?
TIARA. ME. Whatever i say here, is purely MINE. And nobody tells me what to do with what i write in here. Stop bugging me to delete stuff i dont want to. Stop bugging me not to write about what i want to write about. Whatever you read here, is at your own risk. If you cant accept anything here, then I’m not to blame. It’s a public domain and IT IS AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Exactly my point- I dont wanna talk.

It’s time to surrender
It’s been too long pretending
There’s no use in trying
When the pieces don’t fit anymore
The pieces don’t fit here anymore
- James Morrison; The pieces dont fit anymore

I need to post this.

Aryssa Naura (:

Goodbye.

Relax lah. goodbye for now only. hahaha. Will be away till after Os… Wonder if i can actually do it… Nvm. YAKIN PASTI BOLEH BABE! hahahhaha.

See you around, earthlings~

xoxo
tiara

SOME FUNNY SHIT!

Okay…. Now….
To end the weekend, I’ll post something very funny. Well, it is funny to me. if it isnt to you then, aaahhhh. whatever. hahaha. ENJOY!

(SWITCH ON BEE GEES BABY! HAHAHAH!)

xD

peace.

Now i understand how hard is it to resist running away from home, and slashing yourself. But again, it all boils down to your iman. I’ve been taught well. I hoisted the white flag and that was the answer. Ok. boring post. i’ll update later.  ahahah

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