This is the second time I’m putting this song up.

Yesterday, your past didnt matter. It’s over and you got that memo. You got up from that sitting position and continued walking.

 

Today, suddenly your past mattered. Suddenly you await lame old miracles to happen. When it did before, you couldnt care less. Cos you werent triggered, so to speak. But now when you hope. It doesnt come. Probably because there is a presence of someone else. And yeah. ITS OKAY. Cos ultimately you aint nobody to give the green light or not. It’s not your life, It’s his. You want to take a step forward, but you hesitate. It’s the best thing to do. Because you wouldnt want to complicate something already so complex. For all you know they might be meant for each other, and your interference is stopping fate from happening. You cant control these stuff. How much you think she’s a loser and how her presence makes him feel so called ‘happy’ is an insult to you, you are NOBODY to say anything. All you can afford to do is smile and feel happy.

Sometimes i wonder why things HAD to happen. Why did it become so difficult and complicated that i ended it. I dont regret my decision. But i regret the way it all just crashed. Just crashed so bad. So bad that I didnt know how to feel love. I forgot how love felt like. I forgot how to love him. I knew i had to do it, so i did. I felt better. Little did i know I was going to miss him somehow. And it came. It came like a storm, barging its way into my life. It’s interesting how memories forever linger. How memories hold our hand, but people let go. I snapped out of that first phase. And now I’m back. Since i had the experience, I should know how to handle this NOW. But i dont. I’m just keeping myself calm and collected, never failing to put up a smile but somewhere in me there is a silent cry. A cry for a trip down memory lane, a cry for a happy ending. A cry of wishes; that can never be fulfilled. I wished that we didnt fight cos of a third party. I wished that there wasnt any third party. I wished that he remained a good kid and a smart kid. I wished that he wasnt easily influenced. I wished that Mummy liked him to begin with. I wished that there wasnt anything to have ruined the so called best days of my secondary school years.

Wishes. How faint. The real world and wishes? They never come together. Here, wishes are all BULLSHIT. Crap. Nonsense. Wishes happen in fairytales. So does magic. Magic is an illusion. It’s how you perceive things that make you believe it as you perceive it.

So.
Are ‘wishes’ like magic?
Just an illusion. Set out to trick you into believing something that will never happen.
I dont know. Nobody knows.
But till then, I’ll stick to memories, and prayers. Cos At least someone’s listening to me.
I listen to my memories. And of course, Allah listens to me and my prayers.

Enjoy. Sum 41’s With me.

Again.

On MC

I think this is the first time I got this sick. Like getting an MC and all. I miss my friends. I have a Chemistry test tomorrow which i havent studied for……

sucks.

the worst

My fever came back to a whopping 39.8 degrees. My head was pounding as soon as i woke up. Told mum i couldnt go to school. Mum accompanied me to the doctor. I felt like i could fry an egg on my head. Sigh. I miss my friends. BOO.

Protected: 2nd post. yah. BELIEVE ME.

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And I’m jealous, why?

to add to my miserability, my nose has been running since yesterday night. AND, to top that off, i’m starting to cough. So I skipped class today. Figured i needed to rest, and finish up my undone homework (which I’ll be doing after this post)

Actually I felt like writing something because I’m satisfied with myself for finding out something that i know I wont be satisfied about. Maybe ’satisfaction’ isnt really the right word to use in this context. ‘Pleased to hear’ would sound better. Yeah. It does. Anyhoos. I was bloghopping. And as i jollywell hopped along…….

I found ’she-who-shall-not-be-named’ ’s blog. B-I-N-G-O. So I’m satisfied cos I’m smart! LOL. all hail the power of technology. It seems to me that she loves him (Well, thats what she claims. but i know its trash cos i mean, get real. suddenly you meet the guy and you love him. thats a whole lot of bull) I thought this phase was over. I felt ok yesterday. Blame my itchy fingers for clicking away and blog hopping. I deserve it?

Well lets see. I take it as a total insult if he does go for her. Cos it makes me feel i’m just like any other girl he’s ever been with. If she had looks like Miss Universe and brains like Condolezza Rice AND religiously and morally strong like Aisha from Ayat Ayat Cinta, maybe it wouldnt bother me much. At least I know his future would be better than if he was with me. But, whatever.

Life has to go on. Although i still feel a certain connection spark between him and i at times, it can never work out. Thats the way its meant to be, i guess. It has always been that way.

Still sick. Sicker than ever.

Jairus was being really sweet (Omg. I never thot i’d say this) by texting me this morning if i was feeling alright. He wished me luck and i called him after the interview. Awwwwww. I know you miss me. HAHAHA.

 

ok. so.

 

Now.

 

 

 

 

We wait.

 

 

 

 

tick
tock
tick
tock……

The First Time I Went Home During School Hours.

DAMMIT! there goes my “I’ve never been sent home during school hours” record. -.- Well, Actually i chose to go home. Because I was burning 38 degrees! I dragged myself to school to get my CCA records and my testimonials. After which i asked Miss Liu permission to go home. Waited for Daddy to come pick me up. I reached home and ate that yellow pill. I slept till 1, and had my lunch. More pills. And here i am blogging. My fever has dropped to 37.5 degrees. so yeah. and i’m looking stupid cos I’m wearing that fever patch thingy. Hahaha. it works. ^_^V I dont know if i’ll still be meeting the girls or not. It depends on my condition. Sigh. I dont like not being in school. Pffft. I miss all the laughters and fun. AND I missed 2 periods of physics. DAMMIT. And i missed 2 periods of geog. and Mrs Lee was going through physical geog. SIGH.

NEVERMIND. I WILL SURVIVE! I WILL SURVIVE! I CAN GET BETTER!
Yeah. POWER OF POSITIVE ENERGY. Better rest now.

Protected: The past.

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temperature rising

2nd post of the day. My nap wasnt that good. AT ALL. Anyway. Now would be a good time to sing,

I got a fever, its hot, It cant be stopped!
What a wrong day to fall sick. I feel miserable. Boo

but i mean these words.

Granddaddy’s still in the hospital. I’m sick. I’m still undergoing the phase. And the situation isnt helping me at all. I ran into him on the way home. Just gave a smile. And then i got a little dizzy after i stepped down form the overhead bridge. BUt i arrived home safely. Had my lunch, popped some pills. And here i am, blogging (and ‘emo-ing’ to sum 41’s with me) after this I’m bunking in on the couch.

 

Pills, take the pain away.
And when i mean pain. Both health and emotional.
Please. Make me forget. Just forget.