my immortal.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase-

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

Don’t know when I’ll be back again

New hair, new start. lets go.

And if the moon had to runaway
And all the stars didn’t wanna play
Don’t waste the sun on a rainy day
The wind will soon blow it all away

 

everything will be okay

school ended at 1230 today. and continued again at 2.30 at 4.45 i was on the bus to tampines swimming cmplex. put my bag in the locker and swam. swam for 10 laps. clouds started getting darker. so i decided to stop and shower. so i thought after a very tiring day, i should treat myself. so i treated myself to the usual- caramel frappe. yes, i’m addicted to that thang. so i plugged in the mp3, and walked. and so. something spoilt my mood. i saw something. i saw something i reallyreally didnt wish to see. just when i wanted to take a step forward, i realise i’m one step back. and i’ll have to go forward again- somehow. i didnt bother being the observant person that i usually am. nothing was gonna stop me from getting my caramel frappe. so i went in, looking confident. ordered my caramel frappe. waited for the dude to serve me. paid. didnt even bother looking anywhere else but the door. i left. and i bus-ed home. something urged me to sit down for awhile near th house. so i sat. smsed enn and iddy.

so that was my day. ended pretty drastic though. today left me feeling sick and not really well. Embak said she pities me these few days. cos she thinks i’ve been too busy that i’m starting to look really tired. hhmm.

there’s no use in trying when the pieces dont fit anymore.

dont waste the sun on a rainy day

truthfully, i liked today. school was fine. didnt feel that sleepy. understood what ms cai taught me about amalgamation. so yeah. everything’s cool i guess. i’m actually thoughtless right now. i usually have loads of things to write. but somehow, i dont really have anything much to say. but here’s one thing though.

you’re 5 years my senior, and even though you’re WAY OUT THERE, I’ve always seen u as a really nice person with a big heart. Nobody would have like come all the way to my house just to make sure i was doing fine when i was having boy troubles. And bitching with you is like totally fun-ner than bitching with anyone else. I’m just touched when u say u kinda miss me and stuff. cos i miss you too. like the random blading outings, or the swimming outings. i’m glad we’re talking again cos i cant stand the awkwardness anymore, y’know. it has just gone to a level that like is getting totally unbearable. i’m like so relieved that all of the fighting and the war of words and the cold shoulder thing is over. and i totally miss telling you stuffs that i dont usually tell other people. so yeah, i miss super four, DUH. haha. and yeah. i just miss all the fun times we had, y’know. and indeed, you ARE the big sister i never had. the wacky, lazy, kental, slenge big sister i never had. so cheers to a fresh new start (:

and the new start, with everything, has so far been great. but i just know its gonna get better. still healing but hey, all wounds heal. it just takes time. so thats pretty much it…

i left. I bet that answered your prayers didnt it?

 

good luck, buddy. good luck.
no, seriously. 

harder, better, faster, stronger

need i say more?
I’ve got macho, sincere and religiously strong.
heck, i’ve got like 2 of them. what have i got to lose right?
rocks on socks.

(middle finger moment)

Today was a happy day. what happens in vegas was top knotch, baby! and i talked to someone tht i have been missing quite alot. all the random outings, and swimming outings. yeah. so thats good.

i’m here, rushing my work. nenek is off to go for Umrah. sent her off. trained to changi airport after the movie with the girls. got back home and the rest of the peeps came over. so got company la. then now they’re all gone. as in, gone home. and i’m rushing to finish up SS. dang. classes start at 8 tmr. with chemistry as an opening. what are the odds. hahaha.

i cant take this anymore la ok. Now i really really wish and hope and pray that Allah would erase this painful part of my memory. its breaking me. it sucks. because its crappy. it sucks because i dont break easily. I;m hardcore and i’m the dope shizz. but no. this- i cannot take. this post is going to end in a vulgar way.

I cannot believe what bullshit i have gotten myself into. imagine yourself falling. yeah, on the way down, its all fun and dandy cos you’re on air. then you land on a great pile of shit. A HUGE PILE OF SMELLY, ROTTEN CRAPPY SHIT. and now u’re struggling to pull yrself out of it. but no, the shit just decide to be bitchy and just keep pulling u under. sometimes u wonder if u can tahan the fucking gross smell of the shit. then u realise u cant, and u know you’re just gonna break down. and u keep telling yrself that u can pull yrself out from the shit. everyday, thts what u do. pray that God will give u the strength to pull yrself out of the pile of fucking shit that u fell into. its hard. but u keep telling yrself that u can do it. so u just aimlessly keep on trying. everytime u think u’re okay, u fall again and again. until you’re fucking sick and tired of it. i’m not mad at anyone but myself. i’m mad at myself to have fallen into the pile of shit that i should have anticipated since the beginning. but no, i guess i was too blinded from all the joy that i received when i was on the way down to reach the pile of shit. talk about unfairness. i just didnt see it coming when i should have. dont be suprised. shit can disguise to be such charmers. up close, they’ll just make u drown in their fucking smell. yeah. and pieces of shit are all around u. u just have to wait and see. i waited, i saw. and wow. i’m suprised. i lost my respect for it. if i could show u how much i respect you, it would be smaller than the size of an atom, or a proton, or a neutron, or electrons for that matter.  so small, that even the best microscope cant see it. thats my respect to you- its close to nothing. and like shit. u come out from my ass. and drop right into the toilet bowl. thats how worthless you are to me. WORTHLESS. it stings, and hurts like fuck. but u know. shit happens. yeah. shit like you happens to gullible people like me. lesson numero uno, trust no one but yrself. lesson numero dos, beware of pieces of shit lying around trying to grasp your attention and serenade you with sweet words which in the end mean absolutely nothing. and lastly, you’re too good for pieces of shit. you need diamonds and pearls. not worthless crap shit like that. you always deserve better. always.

so thats that. i’m four eyed and i still didnt see it coming. wow tiara. u’re amazing. but you know what? FUCK IT. There’re beautiful gems out there just waiting to be discovered. beautiful ones who are way special-er than regular old shit. i know before all this bullshit happened, i totally said many interesting things about shit. how it clears yr system and stuff.

but that doesnt make me fickle. all of THIS, i have deduced from whatever has been happening around me. I’m not stupid. even though i made a mistake of being fucking blind, i’m still smart enough to guess whats happening in my surroundings. so dont dare say i’m fickle. cos from what i see. its the cold hard facts.

save your explainations. i’m sick and tired of everything. but most importantly.

i’m sick and tired of the fact that keeps slamming my face- I MET YOU.
but oh well. there must be reasons why things happen

oh and note: this post will only be a personal attack if u make it a personal attack. so whatever. literature kids, i’m sure u’ll know what i mean. THIS is what i call READ BETWEEN THE LINES. not some cheesy corny fucked up line.

nuff said.
nights, yo

joy.

Lets see. Malay o levels done. And i had the most crappiest seat. -_- but whatever.
found out that she misses me. and the fact is, i miss her alot too! all the swims. and the blading. and the shopping. haaaaa. good times. we must relive those days, yeah.so thats why i’m happy today.

so before i’m late for my meeting with the girls- liyana and farie. i better scooot off. turrrahhh!:D

hate is a strong word. but i really really really dont like you

I’m 24 hrs away frm malay o levels. I’m like super nervous. brrrrr.

my plans to blade to pasir ris park this morning was cancelled. cos the weather was neither here nor there. so here i am, at home, watching cliche indonesian dramas. haha. oh well. i better do some revision for malay. still contemplating whether or not to go for class. cos like, wahidah’s nt going. and i need to study. we’ll see (:

I had fun at granny’s house ytd. we sang, and laughed. hahaha. even wizzy sang! HAHA! shocking, yes? and of all the songs; cinta dalam hati. i asked him to tutor me physics. hehehe. And i think i forgot to mention, Kak Dira is pregnant with th second niece! next week i’ll be able to spend time with my darling Aniqa cos she’ll be going to bangkok with us. (winks) okie dokes. better start some revision.

behavioural analysis unit

dont wanna say much. but i think it’d be cool to be in a unit like that. Criminal profiler. yea. psychology, here i come.

I will shine on, for everyone

today was fun! a day out with the girrrllllssssss. wooooo. liyana and farie. so we headed to kinokuniya to see if they had the book i wanted to get- he’s just not that into you. they had it. but it was expensive. so we moved to borders to see if they had it there. they had it. but it was like crappy. so i thot of getting the one from kinokuniya. so we went back there. on the way there, we stopped by at forever 21. window shopped. wee. when i got back to kinokuniya, i figured the contents of the book werent rly relevant. so i decided not to get it. so we walked. and walked and walked. all over town. hehehehe. went to see wallets. and we even went to far east where we bumped into frans and fida. after a long day of walking, we treated ourselves to caramel frappe and cheesecake and Mc Cafe. ok la. i know, like got no class. but anyway, starbucks doesnt have any halal certificate. God knows what they put in the frappes and drinks. So Muslims, dont anyhow buy. but the caramel frappe tasted goooooood. and we talked about school, and past relationships, and other people. hahaha. what normal girls do. heee.

omg. i’m so happy i went out with the girls today. we all have our own opinions and we LOVE shopping and window shopping. chillax walking. no complains, no nothing. just pure girl time, pure window shopping time. so yeah. we should do it more often! today’s outing was the best, yo! thanks farie! thanks liyana! yay! more outings, yeah?
heee. blessed to have classmates/ girlfriends like them. heeee. sarcastic, in your face. omg. we can make a megazord of sarcasm. hiakhiakhiakkkkkkkk.

3 words; i love today