P.S I love you/ Adidas

Okay. PS I love you (the movie) wasnt as good as expected- ’nuff said. Got my new Adidas watch, baby! WOOOOHHHHH. Alhamdulillah =] Its purple. Lols. Ha ha ha ha. I’m a happy kid. Fell asleep on the way home.  But awoke when i was nearing Safra. Downloading some stuff now. And i’ve got a meeting tmr morning at 9. (faints) I’ve got TONS of hmwrk lor. omg. the maths max thingy. whoa whoa whoa whoa. I dont feel like saying much right now cos everything’s kinda not falling into place. well i guess thats the part where it gives life a ‘kick’. you know. how sometimes u eat mee soto with chilli to make it more interesting. Yeah, kinda like that. Heh. And no, I’m not hungry. Hahaha. I just eaten. But i think alot about fooooood. Yummmmmmy. Aite. I’m offfff.  See ya later, suckas!  

Hope

 Yeah. Hope. I feel cheated. Oh and yah. I’m posting again for the second time tonight. I hate myself for being so soft hearted. Hah. I shouldve known! Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. How could i be so damn fucking stupid. How, Tiara? How? I’m such a loser.  What the hellllll siot. dwaierhlawjer;aowru3[q9UR3′WRJ’AOPEJ;AJRLWHERWSHENFKDJBKDJ seriously ar. What the fuck siot.

Tiara Surya Dusqie; Secondary 4E2

I feel like a sec 4 student now. The whole idea of being one of the graduating students has finally sunk in. I learn more and more things each day. And I’d have to apply it right there and then. Its beginning to make me panic a little. I havent been doing well for Geography. Maybe I’m not really good at Human Geog. Dammit. I havent been doing well for chemistry either. And physics, dont even bother asking. 

Sometimes i wonder how i can have all these random thoughts and feelings when i know i should be just shoving all of these nonsense off. I’ve got to shove it off sooner or later cos if not, i wont have time to really concentrate on whats important. honestly, i cant wait to step down. HAHA. and tmr’s band exchange is gonna be sucky with a capital S. seriously. this is what you get when you have an impromptu band exchange with schools which are SO MUCH better than you are. And there is gonna be one school who’s gonna show us their military formations cos they’re gonna take part in the 2008 SYF Military Band Competition. Which means they’d have to march AND make formations WHILE playing songs. And i salute them like, totally. Woah. Tmr’s gonna suck. Might as well prepare a hole for my face to hide the shame. 

My head keeps pounding more often now. Maybe cos of the workload. its scary when you dont get what the tcr is talking about, y’know. And still, after asking, you simply DONT get it. Like woah. I mean, WOAH. hahahaha. Okay I’m speechless. Looking at the screen makes my head hurt even more. Days have been better. there’s something to look forward to each day. Eventhough i cant look and smile, i knw i’m smiling inside. Heee. My tests havent been satisfactory for me and thats like pissing me off. But you know what? I still got a few months more for me to pull my socks up DAMN high. So i better start doing so now. I dont want to regret later man. Seriously. I realised i got no more time to lose. No more time feeling like shit cos everything is like- shit. Like school, tests, topics, homework, people, projects, falling asleep in class…. You name it. Most of the things around me have been shitty. But heck. I’m taking my Os this year. So like just. CHIONG AHHHHHH!

Okaks. See ya around, suckas!
xD

It gets harder and harder each day

Today was rough. The urge to quit got bigger and my fingers are itchy to type out my early withdrawal from being the Chairperson of PSL. After geog, i changed and rushed to get the MM room keys. Luckily Miss Harveen was in the staff room so i got it pretty quick. It was a crisis- for me. I was lacking manpower cos the sec 2s were off to go for their conversational programme. This kind of situations arent supposed to freak me out. But today, it did. I kept my cool. I called out for help, but no. Excuses like, “I’m not in black shoes” came back to haunt me. I was stunned. I sat in the MM room alone, thinking what the hell i’m supposed to do with my core. Wait. Do i still call it a core? Cos it hardly looks like one. I think its so messed up that its like just a bunch of people. No bond, no nothing. But for the sec 1s, i had to put on a fake smile. Even if it was just for awhile. Hamzah cracked me up upon reaching- which made me feel a tad bit better. Had a talk with Hamzah before i went home. Knocked some sense into me.  I’m losing my core. I’m losing the bond. Wait, WE are losing the bond. I lost the trust. I dont feel respected as a chairperson. And then i realised how hard it is to satisfy everyone i know. It sucks how i’m not being the perfect chairperson. Yeah. Those who are like against me would say “tahu takper” or  “Woah. she finally realised” haha. somehow i know what you guys would say. its so typical. Tell me why i’m NOT suprised. Like, really. No one would understand this but yeah. You have no idea how hard it is to make sure that your team members are with you no matter what. Its so hard to make sure that your team members have fun being around you, and at the same time respect you. I know i cant have the best of both worlds. But yeah. I wish I was capable to do that. yet again, no one thinks the way i do, so i respect that. As much as i want to quit- like, so bad. I wont. Cos I still have the other juniors under me. To walk out on them would mean complete betrayal and i will not leave the team known as a quitter. Even if people stab me in the back, gossip or whatever, I’m willing to take the bullet to save this family I’ve tried hard to build and mould. I will mould it back. Even if i lose my face, it doesnt matter. I want my family back. And if no one wants to do something about it, then I will. I’ve gone through the worst of times. And believe me when i say, I dont need anyone else but my PSL seniors and my parents. Cos the rest of the other humans are just extras who have a choice to stick by and support, or just be plain, ignorant humans who apparently thinks the world revolves around them. These people dont deserve to be apologetic to, cos yeah. Their heads and their egos are so damn big.  Yet again, THESE are my thoughts. So if anyone’s unhappy, then take it as, i think differently than you do. So you cant blame me. Everyone’s different. So if u cant live with that, then thats pretty much your problem. Aite. I’m off. Rocks on, people. PS: I still have a picture of us in my wallet. And I have never been able to throw it away. 

Laugh Day

 School was dry, as usual. I was half asleep. The medication I’m taking is fucking strong, i tell you. It like practically works over 10 hours O.o I was still sleepy in school. ESPECIALLY english, where Mdm Noreha was teaching us about consonants and stuff. Then she told us stories about her old friend from NUS…. Which turned out to be damn funny. HAHAHAHA. Funny story+ her expressions= Mdm Noreha’s secret hug pitched laughter =)
And her laughter, WAS CONTAGIOUS! 
Lols. Anyhoooos. I failed My chemistry test. But i got full marks for the ’sums’ that i asked hamzah to teach me. So its good, but bad also. Rippppppp. I just passed my math test. And i got average for english. and lemme tell you, it aint satisfactory. In my opinion, I havent been doing as well as i should. I’m just like average2 sort. I dont want that, but hey, its just CA1. If i want to prove that I can juggle studies, PSL, the ‘interesting’ people around me and personal issues, then Imma start revising like, right now. for real. If i dont know.
I must ask. Ask teacher. Ask senior. Ask classmates. 
Come on, Tiara. It aint that tough. Just make sure you revise what you learnt for the day, practice, and clear your doubts. BAM- you’re fine.
Yeah. I’m gonna be fine. So fine that i can blow your mind- ok enough. Hahahahha. Failure is the key to success. Doesnt mean you fail, you cant rise from it. Failures make you stronger. Everyone makes mistakes. So like, LEARN FROM THEM, BABY.

Aite. After school, fariha, hafizudin and i went to jeramy’s house to ‘film’ our version of curious incident. And OH MY GOSH. it was so damn fucking hilarious, siao! First hafizudin started laughing. After a few takes, it was okay. then everything was going smoothly. Until……

Hafizudin fell while filming a scene. And it was so abrupt lor! Omgosh. Only fariha, jeramy and i knew how funny it was. After more funny takes, hafizudin had to go home. so fariha jeramy and i edited the videos. And it looked good! lastly, we used the scene where hafizudin fell and made it faster. As we played it…. Fariha’s laughter went chipmunk! and all 3 of us really, seriously rolled on the floor laughing. Like really. we replayed it like a kazillion times and laughed till we cried. Seriously. After that it was getting late, so i went home with fariha. 

I’m supposed to start on the max math 4- after this. you know i think this whole being a sec 4 thing is really starting to sink in. I feel the pressure. More homework, less time to cover syllabus. Like i only have so little time. 7 more mths to O levels. Phew. And thats not long, man. Nevermind. All i can say is.

CHIONG AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

hahhaahaha. okay. this is random. but i so sayang my parents and my family. and i so sayang my awesome 4e2. and lastly i so sayang myself. and of course i so sayang everyone who sayangs me! heyhey yay yay! hahahaha
cheeersssss~

Naaaaasty snot

Woke up at 8 cos i wanted to get ready early so i wont be late to meet Amalina Mazzly for the performance. But instead of showering straight away after i woke up, i lazed around at the sofa, eventually falling asleep for 15 mins -_-” nevermind. I continued to laze around while watching Daddy get ready for his cycling trip to Ubin. I have to say, Daddy’s bike is like woah. He modified it again, after 10 years. New brakes, new gear. And lemme tell you, will all them modifications, it’s still lighter than my bike. Haha. Sent Daddy off at the door and then i decided to shower. (Like finally. Haha) I roamed around the house with jeans and singlet. Huahuahua. Ate some breakfast then i got ready. Apparently, i made a mistake by wearing double layer WITH tudung. Cos at the CARE FAIR at tamp mall. MY GOODNESS. it was like superduper hot. I think i soaked by 1st layer O.o Met Shadiq, Afiq, Wan, Suha and Farah and we watched. there were other dance performances by other schools too. And there was this group which consisted of little girls. Damn good, and super damn talented i tell you. Fooooh. Then suddenly i met Haikel!  Haikal from esps, abang Yan’s year. My senior lah. And he recognised me Not only that, he asked me to stay and watch his performance. Hahahha. And i battled the heat while waiting for his performance. And you know what? It was DAMN worth it la. Like seriously. He’s like a very very very good dancer. And woah. Okay tiara, get a hold of yourself. Slacked for abit. Then i realised i was the only single one. so i took my leave and went for class. And it was only 1230, mind you.  read a book at mac while waiting for darling iddy. then after that we went to class. class was dry. zzzz. went home, got ready and went to get myself new sneakers. and on the way, i got a new swimsuit. wooh. lovely, lovely day. Alhamdulillah =] cheersssss =)

Wouldnt it be nice

I’m back here for the second time today. I just got back from granny’s place. well, about a half hour ago. Tomorrow morning i’m off to support ES malay dance! Wooooh! Hahaha. The i’ll most probably be slacking with Amalina Mazzly and Wan and some other peepos. At 1245, I’m off to ugama where i can meet Idddddyyyyyyyyy. So far, my plans sounds interesting and happy. But We humans can only plan, He decides =]

I’ve only got Chemistry hmwrk. so i guess i’d have to lug my bag with chemistry AND ugama books. And you know how ugama books can be. Its superduper thick. pfffffft. Anyways, i have yet to iron my tudung and i need to get a little of chemistry done. however, i’m feeling sooooooooooooooo sleeeeepy and damnnnnnnn tired. hahaha. (Actually i slept in the afternoon. Okay, i’m officially turning into a pig)
At granny’s place it was kinda mellodramatic. Apparently there seems to be some problems at kampung and nenek’s unhappy about it. heck, when i knew about it i was unhappy too. My grand uncle(nenek’s bro) wants to claim ALL of nenek’s sawah(paddy fields) and put it under his name. Meaning that he wants ALL the paddy fields. Ahhh. It has something that has got to do with tradition AND law. so its kind of complicated. We Minangkabau people have certain rules and traditions that we have to uphold. For more enquiries, please go to wikipedia and type “Minangkabau”

My grand uncle’s being so unreasonable. He doesnt work. All he does is smoke and sleep and eat and smoke some more. His wife does all the work for him. In my opinion i think they prioritise wealth like nobody’s business. Wth, wealth is not gonna go with you in your grave, man. but anyway, this is a job for grown-ups so i have no say. After the big hoo haa at granny’s today, i kinda realised that legal studies aint too bad. especially when you fuse together tradition and the law. its complicated but its damn interesting. like really. So i may consider applying for DPA under law/legal studies- Insya Allah. Okay. I gotta get started on work nw. Nights, peeeeepos.
=]

Even the best fall down sometimes

I’ve been sleeping most of my days away. Yesterday the parents and i went to swensens for ice cream. as per usual, i cant finish my dessert. Heeee. Anyway, it was a funny visit cos we made fun of this group of people. They didnt have table manners and came in the restaurant in singlets! LOL. winks to mummy. Hahha. After i got home, i changed to the pajamas and went straight to bed. The nose was still being a bitch. This morning i woke up at 10. HAHA. tell me about it. And we were supposed to have 8 hrs of sleep a day. i had like what? 15? PLUS last afternoon’s nap. Wow. I’m on a roll. xD I went to my room after breakfast. Sat on the chair and looked through my drawer. There were books and LOADS of NOTEbooks. HAHA. I came across this notebook that Nabillah bought me for my bday last year. And when i opened it, It was 13 mths all in one. On every page, there were small little notes saying how much i love and i how i wouldnt want it to end.  There were ‘chatlogs’ by Iddy and myself. And by fariha and myself. And all of the ‘chatlogs’ all had about how blessed i was to have (he who shall not be named) in my life. Sigh. Watched a few episodes of friends on the laptop. And there were parts where Chandler would kiss Monica on her forehead and that made me want it for myself. Like what PM Lee said “Anticipate Change and Stay Relevant.” I’m trying so hard. Maybe Iddy was right. Nevermind I shall meet Iddy tmr. Off to granny’s now. Cheers everyone =)

blocked nose/ hidong tersendat

Yes. My nose is being a bitch. Pffffft. I kinda of signalled to Mummy this morning that i didnt feel well enough to go to school. But because today is such a short day, so i just trotted to school with approximately 5 packets of tissue in my bag- EXCLUDING the one in my pocket. Tell me about being Kanchiong. Haha. It did sustain me for the day, okay.  By the time it came to malay i was half dead, blowing out all the snot that’s stuck in my nose. So unglam lor. HAHA. Oh ya. when i woke up this morning, mummy told me daddy stayed at the office for the whole night. WHOA. He must be really busy with his work. Maybe, just maybe, his company got chosen to design and make the carpet for the upcoming IR…. Insya Allah. But he’s never done this before and its kind of weird. Honestly, I hardly get a glimpse of my dad on the weekdays. I only spend time with him on the weekends.  The two friends i talked about ytd are back together =) God knows how happy i am for them. Heeeee. I went home after the last bell rang. Usually i’d go out to school again. But this time i didnt. Mummy told me not to go for band cos i needed to rest. So during recess i went to find Ms Tan and tell her that i wont be coming for band today. That was settled. After lunch i ate my medication and slept till 430. Slacked and now i’m blogging. Searching for a nice layout to replace this one. But if there arent any nice ones then i’ll just stick to this one (: Tomorrow is a saturday. I’m still contemplating whether i should go swimming OR go play badminton. But the thing is, i cant swim cos i’m having flu. So maybe i’ll go running/ badminton instead. Must call Potts and see if she’s interested. Havent been exercising and i feel uncomfortable. Haha. On sunday I’ll be heading down to tampines mall to support ES malay dance! The catch is, its at 0945 hrs. -________-” nevermind. Anything for school support! Woooohooooooo! Maybe I’ll go there in tudung cos after the performance confirm all the peepos want to eat and slack. Then maybe from there i go straight to ugama. Have to plan with mummy first. Speaking of mummy, she wants to eat ice cream at swensens today… But she hasnt called me to say anything yet. Okay. honestly, i dont see a reason why i shd eat all this nice indulging, mouth watering food cos i cant taste it. Cos of my noseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Pfffffffft. hahahaha. we’ll see. I’ve got the weekends planned. And i want to go shopping.  JAIRUSSSSSSSS! hahaha. he said if i want to go shopping i shd call him cos he knows where to get the awesome-est stuff. Hahhaa. Dono whether can believe that guy or not. Knowing the person that he is. And honestly, i think he’s  so much of a better friend than the ‘friends’ i haD. Lols. What do you expect? Classmates for 4 damn years in school. HAHA. And to think i used to hate him like kwrihn;woierhwz;oetiwa;9teuW”tojzw. aite I’m offffffff. byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Why cant i?

To me, Today was sucky. Like really. But it ended with a cheesy note, i guess. Haha.
Well, I’m gonna fail my math test, depite practicing the sums in the txtbook for more than 5 hours.
Hopeless? Well. I hope i pass, at least by one or 2 marks. HOWEVER, i’m praying that Miss Harveen doesnt take the score for THIS test for our CA. Cos if she does, then I’m totally screwed.
Ahhh. Well. Its over. So yeah. Slacked during geog and we went over to TP today. 4E2 went to the IT faculty.
Which was like _________________.
All the other classes finished except US. imagine the suckiness!
It was supposed to end at 4. But it was funny la.

1st funny incident. 
We went to this computer lab thing. And we were taught how to use the Flash thingy, which could create animations.
So Fariha and i took the seats on the 2nd row.
And there was this power plug on the floor which was supposed to be like covered. But it wasnt. 
I fell into this hole, 3 times. maybe four -_-”
The best part was that the hole was just right beside my seat. And i kept falling into it.
-____________-”

2nd funny incident
Next, we went to this other computer lab where they taught cyber security or sth like that.
So we learnt how to hack other people’s computer. And lemme tell you, it was damn funny.
Cos everyone was hacking into everyone’s computer. And like people were controlling each other’s computer via their own computer.
Jun Jie was using his computer when Jian En switched it off from his PC.
Jun Jie got so shocked that he stood up and went “Who did that? Who did that?” And his face got SO red.
4e2-ians would know how he did that. His usual minister face. And walk. 
It was so funny cos he turned so damn red!
K thats one. Another one was when the guys on the first row (Jasper, Benedict, Yusrin, Wallace and Eldred) were trying to hack benedict’s computer. Cos benedict was good at it.
This WALLACE. He was tryin to type and control benedict’s PC. But after like 30 mins, benedict broke it to him that…..
He disconnected Wallace’s keybooard from the CPU 
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Omg. it was damn cheesy la ok. Like uber cheesy.
HAHA. and it took so long for wallace to realise. Imagine the nonsensical-ness.

3rd (and last) funny incident
Jia Yin and i missed 518.
We were bummed cos now we’d have to take 15 first, and then switch to 21.
Knowing the frequency of 518, it may take up to half an hour for the next bus.
But we persevered. Since 15 wasnt in sight, we waited.
Suddenly Jia Yin was looking for 518.
I thought it really was coming. But when i looked it wasnt there -_-”
So Jia yin was all “No i was just giving hope. LOL”
Then we started calling out for 518- and people thought buses cant hear us.
THE BUS CAME! 518 CAME!
So i got excited. HAHA.
We happily boarded the bus, laughing it off cos it was like a cheap thrill. LOL.

well aside/apart from my engaging laughters at TP today, I was feeling rather down for some reasons.
In my eyes, its like everything is falling apart. And I mean, everything. Like the happy people, got sadder.
And the sadder people got even more sadder.
As for me, I’m numb, really. I prefer not to feel so many things in a moment.
I’m not gonna address the issue about ME but all i can say is,
I know whatever i’m feeling is infatuation towards someone. And to another someone, I know that deep down, I still care.
Enough said.

Its sad to see 2 people who still do love and care for each other but they ended their relationship cos of reasons that i’m not aware of.
These 2 people are my good friends and its kind of weird not to see them wait for each other anymore. And the change is so drastic, even though its only the first day.
The girl needs space, the guy is still madly in love with her.
They both are, actually They still do love each other. But before i try helping someone else, i should help myself first.
Sigh.

As i lined up for SFL (to TP) at the foyer, i sat beside someone. Someone i havent been in talking terms for 4 mths.
Looking at him makes me feel awkward. Cos IF it was still there, IF it was still going on, I’d just randomly poke him on the sides of his tummy.
Or mess his hair.
Or pinch his cheeks.
Or pinch his nose.
All of that,
Plus a whisper of “I love you” to top it all off.
That made me kind of ‘emo’ for awhile in the bus.
But i knew that things happened for a reason.
I dont know why I still get random thoughts, and flashbacks, when i know i shouldnt be.
I’m aware that I need/have to talk to him. Or at least say hi.
While sitting at the foyer, My heart had the urge to say “Hey stranger (:”
Somehow my mouth couldnt move. It just wouldnt budge.
But i dont know when I’m gonna stay not talking to him.
I shouldnt be blogging about this now that my blog is public.
But i have to, Cos there’s no one else who can listen and take all of my rants as good as a blog. Friends are good too.
But I pity my friends cos they hear me say the same thing all the time.
And i want to spare them of that boredom, and the time wasting. Their lives doesnt just revolve around listening to my problems.
But they’ve got other things to do.

I shall await the new book Mummy’s gonna get me. till then.

‘Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find, you and I collide”
-Collide- Howie Day