I feel like crying cos I seem to have misplaced my dearly beloved English file =’( Sigh. It looks like I’ll have to ask Liyana to tell me what are the key points to note for english paper 2 tomorrow. and I MUST photocopy EVERY SINGLE DOCUMENT that is in the file. Thats basically it. My boring days… Suffering… LOL.

Call me slow but i just finished breaking dawn. And nothing makes me more happier than a happy ending.. hee. When i think of it, i want my own edward cullen! So handsome and perfect…. Flawless beautiful skin… A soothing voice that’s like lullaby to my ears… So smart, witty and calm… Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I want my own edward cullen. But at the same time I still long and hope for my Taylor Lautner…

YAH RIGHT. HAHAHAHA. Since there’s not much to study for tmr’s paper, I shall begin revising physics and abit of maths. yep. 2 killer papers in one day. Can I, BE more blessed? teehee.

A random thought.
I cant imagine myself in a school which requires me to wear a nametag. Wanna know why? I dont think the badge would fit my name. TIARA SURYA DUSQIE. Food for thought for the night. Haaaaaa.

Practical was fine. I’m beginning to feel that chemistry is easier than physics… Hmmm. but in any case. I’m still not ready for prelims. Hello? I’m still blogging. LOL.

SSSOOO. My phone is practically useless. I have no idea why i even bother switching it on -.- Fasting tmr. Practical tmr. Woohoo Woohooo Woohoo. AS per usual. I am not ready. Rocks on people. And good luck. Cos everyone needs it.

 

Till whenever.

Call me a geek but I’m into the Olympics shit. I’d have to say that diving and swimming are my favourite events to watch. Oh, and also badminton and table tennis. I’m in a cross between supporting Lin Dan or the Malaysian dude…. Hhhhmmmmmm. Prelims starts on monday. I Am Not Ready. I work well under pressure? I get things done, but i have no idea if it actually goes into my brain. Dont feel like updating too much nowadays. Everything’s so monotonous and boring that there’s nothing to talk about. Same old, same old. Wake up, study, eat, drink water, pray, sleep. And the cycle goes on and on. And in between those- probably 10 laps of swimming or blading to pasir ris.

Sigh. The best thing that happened today was looking at the full moon tonight, AND, my successful attempt to make my first rocky road! I swear, its better than chocolate ice cream. WAY better. teeheee. I amaze myself. Most of the time. My tan lines are pretty obvious, now that i’ve started going swimming regularly. I look interesting. Call me a loner for doing stuff by myself nowadays, but somehow i’m bored of waiting for people and wasting time. Last week, i studied at MacDs alone. And on wednesday i went swimming alone. Had abit of trouble with the locker though…. My mistake. Ha ha. But i did manage to get it open- after i pressed the right button. You see when i swim alone, i’ll get my 10 laps done in 25 mins. If i go with people, I tend to talk more than i swim. And therefore, my visit to the pool totally defeats the purpose of exercising. So i gave up asking for companions to go swimming with.

Okay. Interesting that my post is long tonight. well, RELATIVELY long. Hee.
goodnight nincompoopies.

OK yes. I’m back. For the 2nd time today. Suprisingly i was rather driven to finish up my POA revision, Sit down on the chair, and plug into my ageing Ipod Shuffle, listening to some old tunes. It was nice. Until i still couldnt balance the balance sheet on prelim prac 3…… So i just stopped. And here i am. School was dull. With the exception of the friends, of course. Tomorrow’s my O level English Oral. I’m nervous. ESPECIALLY for picture conversation. And to top it all off. Prelims are just 4 days away. I have to admit. I am NOT ready. At all. I’ll switch on my panic mode now.

 

 

FRRRAAAAACCCCCAAAAAAASSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok bye.

TP, here i come.

Because I’m not strong enough.

The fear.
The fear of losing someone.
The fear. It’s happening. Again. It can’t happen. Not again, No.
He’s growing weaker.
Weaker.
Each day.

 

After doing my maghrib prayers, I attempted to read the Yaasin by myself. I did it. All by myself. And then i just felt like singing miley cyrus’s song- I miss you. Suddenly I started crying.
Because i realised that i never ever showed her once that i really loved her. Reading the Yaasin would’ve been easier if she was still here. I never showed her how much she meant to me. I’d always run away when she asked me to read the Quran. All because I was lazy. She was the one who prayed to Allah in front of the Kaabah that I’ll be born into this world. I’ve disappointed her so many times. But she would always love me. No matter what. She’d protect me from Daddy’s beatings. I was so precious to her. But have i ever showed her how much she mattered to me? No. I never even said “Sayaaaang Nenek”. When she left, it was as if my whole world crumbled. It wasnt fair the way she just left. It wasnt fair that i had to see her deteriorate. It wasnt fair. But I accepted it in the end. Her time was up. I’ll meet her again. One day. Someday.

Her departure 4 years ago was something i found hard to get over. When she breathed her last, I dropped to the floor. My heart broke into pieces. I didnt even get to say how much I loved her for the last time.

She’d watch all the P Ramlee movies with me. She’d never complain if i repeated it over and over again. She’d be there to greet me when i reach home from school. She’d accompany me to the playground. She did everything for me. But have I done anything? 4 years have passed. Well, almost. Aug 26. I put up a brave front every single time. Deep inside, I feel empty. So empty. I miss her. I miss the sound of her dragging slippers. I miss the sounds of her reading the Quran. I miss her laughter. I miss the way she pops all her pills into her mouth all at the same time, freaking me out. I just feel so empty.

All i can afford to do is just to pray for her and staying strong. Cos like i said, I’ll meet her again one day. Someday.

Nek, If you’re listening (or reading), I’m sorry I’ve disappointed you so many times. I’m sorry I’ve never told you i loved you. I’m sorry i never told you how much you mattered to me. I’m sorry I was lazy to read the Quran. I’m so sorry. And nek, I miss you. So much.

sha la la la la,

sha la la la la

 

you used to call me your angel,

said I was sent straight down from heaven

you’d hold me close in your arms

I love the way you felt so strong

I never wanted you to leave

I wanted you to stay here holding me

 

I miss you,

I miss your smile

and I still shed a tear

every once in a while

and even though it’s different now

you’re still here somehow

my heart won’t let you go

and I need you to know

I miss you

sha la la la la

I miss you

 

you used to call me your dreamer

and now I’m living out my dream

oh, how I wish you could see

everything that’s happening for me

I’m thinking back on the past

it’s true that time is flying by too fast

 

I miss you,

I miss your smile

and I still shed a tear

every once in a while

and even though it’s different now

you’re still here somehow

my heart won’t let you go

and I need you to know

I miss you

sha la la la la

I miss you

 

I know your in a better place, yeah

but I wish that I could see your face, oh

I know that your’e where you need to be

even though it’s not here with me

 

I miss you

I miss your smile

and I still shed a tear

every once in a while

and even though it’s different now

you’re still here somehow

my heart won’t let you go

and I need you to know

I miss you

sha la la la la

I miss you

 

I miss your smile

and I still shed a tear

every once in a while

and even though it’s different now

you’re still here somehow

my heart won’t let you go

and I need you to know

I miss you

sha la la la la

I miss you

I’m at home alone, again- for the whole day. Woohoo. But its kinda boring though. I have LOADS of hmwrk to finish. BOOOOOOOO. 2 POA papers, one english essay that has to be sent in online, loads of science cluster papers, loads of math cluster papers….. SIGH. Chiong aaaahh! But yeah. My plans to go blading this morning had to be cancelled. because my best friend- Mr Sun is not showing himself today. grrrrrr. ok. i’m kinda hungry. and i hafta cook myself xD aahhh. the joy. I loike. see you guys soon. probably i’ll be going somewhere to study and finish up all my hmwrk. tralalala~